Blog
Taking hostages
No, I’m not holed up somewhere with a gun making a list of demands. I was thinking more in terms of what taking hostages is all about: Do what I want or someone gets hurt. That seems to be the basic premise and actually, those opportunities come up on a daily basis. Think about it. How many times in various conversations do you say something, expecting the other person to come back with something very specific. Now I know that it isn’t spoken out loud, but a lot of times when we put something out there to someone, we don’t do it merely to express how we feel about an issue or about that person. We do it because we’re really looking for a response similar to what we offered. The implied idea being “Do what I want (respond in the way that I am expecting you to) or someone gets hurt (namely, me).”
At social gatherings, when one person asks “How are you?” The other person offers their answer and then is expected to say “How are you?” The conversation will seem off balance somehow if both sides aren’t kept even. Or at a networking event. Person #1 asks “So, what is it that you do?” and after answering that question, Person #2 is supposed to say “And what do you do?” giving Person #1 a chance to share.
Having lived a large part of my life in a passive/aggressive state of mind, I recognize hostage taking as the last vestiges of that dying perspective. Wouldn’t it be great to simply say what we want to say and express what we want to express without any expectations of how others should respond. If we want specific information, we should learn to ask specific questions, not beat around the bush and hide behind our hostages.